Author: Kathy Stephens

  • HOPE REIGNS…..

    ByKathy Stephens

    final logo 2 png

    Well, I survived the one-year mark of Dennis’ home going. Truth is I don’t even know where this past year has gone. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday of this week were spent backtracking the events that led up to his death. I didn’t plan it that way but I found myself continually looking at my watch and thinking back as to where I was and what I was doing during that almost 3 day ordeal. It was like watching an old movie clip. This movie clip left me broken hearted. At some point I remember thinking, “He is really not coming home!” There is no way to explain to anyone the pain and emotional deficient from this kind of sudden loss.

    I woke up Thursday Morning and I lay in my bed and just thanked God for a new day. I thanked him for holding me up over these past 12 months. I thanked Him for all the people he put in my life to act as His hands and feet. Those who sat and listened as I talked and cried, those who gave me hugs when I needed them, those who sent cards long after the funeral and those who have continually prayed for my strength and peace. I’ve learned that true friends are your friends even when it doesn’t look pretty.

    There is a verse in 1Peter 5:10 that says, “But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered awhile, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.” Those are beautiful words to fill a broken heart. I love the part of that verse that mentions strengthen and settle you. Those were both things that I began to pray for early on. I found very quickly as I’ve mentioned before the only way you survive this kind of loss and pain is to depend solely on HIM.

    Some days you literally beg to just breathe. You try to get to a place where the breeze can rush across your face and you can slow your heart rate down. You hope that soon, you can feel your arms and legs again.

    I told someone the other day this has been the worst year of my life BUT in many ways, it had been the best. “How could that be”? You might ask. I’ve learned so much more about GOD and His word and I’ve learned so much more about myself. Things I needed to know and some things that hurt to know. It’s almost been like being able to see inside my life from the outside looking in and see how God went before me in this tragedy. The trips Dennis and I took two months before, the intimate conversations we had, the things he shared with me a week before he left going back to work, that day at the airport when he called me back and said with such intention, “Baby, always remember how much I Love You. “ Never in 23 years of taking him to the airport had he ever done that. Usually it was a quick kiss and “I’ll see in a few” as he was walking off. Those were the last words I ever heard him speak.

    I use to tell people I trusted God but truth is until I lost Dennis I really didn’t understand the full meaning of that. Trusting God completely means having faith that he knows what is best for your life, expecting him to keep his promises, knowing that He will help you with your problems and that He can and will do the impossible when necessary. Have you ever really trusted GOD like that?

    As I have experienced brokenness He has continued to reach in to heal me and as I have felt loneliness He has continued to walk with me. I have written many things through this journey, shared my heart and soul. Some of you I’m sure have thought too much and some have ask for more but I’ve written only as the Holy Spirit has led me to, so I have to believe it’s been just what the “doctor” ordered. I hope that my painful story is becoming a meaningful story.

    Nothing really prepares you for the “Battle of Grief” but quickly you realize you must become a Warrior. It takes time…… Days, weeks, months, and sometimes years of training go by BUT then one day you realize that the battle scares exist but they do not define you. You find you have more courage than weakness, more fortitude than fear. You find that you are becoming stronger. As you recede from the battle ground you can still see your shield and sword standing in the corner as a reminder that life is short and you begin to find your days filled with HOPE. Hope is the thread that has held me together. Gazing at the shield and sword you look back on the life you had and begin gazing with hope to the new life before you. You are never the same. You find that you have grown in this HOPE. You’ve found new friends and let go of some old ones. The noise has changed. Life has changed. You have discovered that you are in fact blessed (even in your pain).

    Over the past almost three years I began to do some writing again. When my Dad got sick, then my eye ordeal and all that followed I knew that God was slowing me down, molding me and leading me in another direction. Since 2013 I’ve been working on a Blog, an outlet for writing, sharing and encouraging others but never could get settled in my spirit about it completely. I’ve learned through this journey that all things come to fruition in God’s timing. He allowed me to meet this absolutely precious Christian Graphics/Media lady who has spent many hours helping my heart show up in written form. And as an added bonus her last name is Dennis. Yes REALLY… Why was I amazed???

    I would like to invite you to sneak on over to www.kathystephens.com and sign up to become a part of my little piece of blog land. I’m excited to see where God is taking HOPE REIGNS.

    I hope to see you there as I continue to seek God’s purpose and calling for my life.

    Hebrews 6:19 This HOPE we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast, and which enters the Presence behind the veil.

  • Baby, I need a Passport

    ByKathy Stephens

    baby I need a passportSo many times through the years of Dennis working off shore I would say to him, “Baby I need a passport”. He would laugh and say, “why, you don’t even like to fly.” And the last we made a special trip to NOLA to get his passport renewed I said it again, “baby I need a passport”. He laughed…..

    This time, this very night a year ago I was nervously getting ready for bed knowing that I was getting up at 5am to head to NOLA to finally get a passport so that I could get on a plane to fly to TRINIDAD to see my sweet, yet sick husband.

    Having had several conversations earlier that day with doctors and other people I was told that He could not be flown home, he was too sick. Rowan immediately started the ball rolling to get me and Chris (Dennis’ Son) to Trinidad as soon as possible. I remember I could hardly sleep that night. I tossed and turned and watched the clock the entire night. I was so anxious to get there. I just wanted to see him, hold his hand and talk to him.

    We hit the road about 5am cause we had to be there by 8 to get a medical emergency passport printed out so we could catch our plane out of New Orleans by 4. Just as we walked into the Government building and entered the passport office I got a call. “Good Morning Kathy, well i’ve got bad news and good news which do you want first?” I remember my heart sinking but yet I was clinging to the HOPE that I could get to HIM. I think for the very first time in my life I FELT TOTALLY HELPLESS…. I remember looking out from the 14th floor of the government building gazing over the city of New Orleans and for a moment thinking about us having just been there 6 weeks earlier on a little get away and then as quick as I had that thought my mind came back to the voice on the other end of the phone. The bad news he said was that his kidney’s were failing and they were heading to dialysis with him and the good news he said was that they had talked to some private medical flight team who said they thought they could get him home.I was miles away from the love of my life and I knew He needed me. At that moment it was music to my ears… Chris and I would wait for a couple of hours, get our passports and get ourselves to the airport. New tickets Ordered. Now we were flying to Fort Lauderdale rather than Trinidad and we would see Dennis about 10:30 that night.

    I don’t remember a time that my heart has ever beat so fast and my anxiety was at an all time high. Dennis was right, I didn’t like to fly but I remember almost running through the New Orleans airport so that I could get to Fort Lauderdale and get my husband off the incoming plane.

    I remember as we sat out on the tarmac waiting for take off I began to pray intently for safety for us and BIG TIME safety for Dennis. The honest truth is I had very mixed emotions about what was taking place. Within a 10 hour time frame I had been told “no way he can fly”, to “oh, we are gonna fly him home”. TRUTH is my prayer had changed after I got the word they were flying him home to “God just get him on the ground so that I can talk to HIM”…… Please GOD ……. I remember I was screaming so loud on the inside I knew others could hear me. PLEASE GOD…. Please.

    There is a song by Sam Smith called, “Stay With Me’, you may or may not be familiar with it but for some reason it began to play over and over in my mind as we flew from New Orleans to Fort Lauderdale. It was my heart song, my heart’s cry to my sweet husband. Please., “oh won’t you…. STAY WITH ME…..”

    That was the longest night of my life. Our plane landed in Fort Lauderdale and I remember it was wet and cold and truth is I didn’t even care. I was beginning to go numb all over. Dennis’ Flight…. well what was suppose to be a 3 hour flight turned into a 6 hour flight . The night began to go array and my life would never be the same. Time was not on our side.

    Ecclesiastes 9:11 ” the race is not to the swift, Nor the battle to the strong, Nor bread to the wise, Nor riches to men of understanding, Nor favor to men of skill; but TIME and chance happen to them all.”

    The passport… WELL I never used it…

  • Looking Back…

    ByKathy Stephens

    Kathy taking a photoWhat do you see when you look at this picture? YEAP… pretty simple, me taking a photo. As a Photographer sometimes you have to get in a crazy position to get the best shot. What you don’t see is the person taking the photo of me taking the photo. That would be my sweet husband. Many of you don’t know this but the first date He ever took me on was a trip down the Natchez Trace to this historical church and what did he have around his neck….. YEAP a camera. It was his hobby when we met. He had such an eye for detail. Infact there were a few times He actually went with me to shoot a wedding but that “me being the boss thing” didn’t last too long. ha ha

    This was shot in NOLA, one of our favorite get away places and this was shot on October 29th, 2014…. I handed him a camera and said have fun. Of course I had no idea he had shot this until getting home and uploading these photos. I laughed to myself cause he was “sneaky” like that. Probably my greatest supporter through all those years of shooting weddings. When I would be freaking out about a big event he would calmly say, “baby, you got this”. That’s sorta what this photo reminds me of. He was just hanging out off behind me saying, “baby you got this”. ( this was our last little get a-way together)

    Little did I know that one month later November 29th, 2014 I would get that dreaded phone call saying HE WAS VERY SICK and had been air lifted off the rig. That phone call began 2 days of unknown events that would eventually change my life forever. Today I am reflecting on that call, what was said, how I felt and the anticipation of not knowing…. BUT even in that….. TODAY I’m sharing a “NUGGET” with you that weaves HOPE into my thoughts and even in the midst of me re-living those events , THIS little SHOT, this little “you got this baby, This little unexpected nugget MAKES ME SMILE…..

    If you are re-flecting today, re-living a tragic event today I pray that you will search for the “nugget”, the “Shot” that could brighten your day. Hebrews 6:19a ” This Hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast.” .